PIzza Killer

My friends have about 40 chickens and 10 ducks that roam around free in their yard during the day. Yesterday my kids (including the small hairy one) stayed at their house while I was at work. Nicky, the hairy child, has small-man complex, so he chases the chickens and ducks (except for the largest ones) to build his self-esteem (he'd drive a really big truck if he could, but since he can't, he chases birds.)

The verdict is still out, but there is evidence that Nicky may have been the murderer of one black duck. The headless victim was found in the yard after said dog had been out alone for sometime. No one witnessed the crime, but it appears that Nicky had foie gras for dinner last night.

Tonight we returned to the scene and kept Nicky indoors. But a dog's got to go when a dog's got to go, and since the birds were put away, we let him out. When Nicky returned, he had something in his mouth, hanging out about 1/2 inch on either side. I grabbed him to see what it was and determined that it was a bone-- and probably the bone left from the duck that had been decapitated. I grabbed one end of the bone and felt a fleshy texture. It was far too disgusting for me and I could not bring myself to touch it and Nicky would not drop it. Not wanting him to be reinforced for killing a duck, I was determined to pull the bone from his death grip. I sent Sara looking for gloves or pliers, anything I could use to grasp the fleshy bone without actually touching it. She took too long, though, and he started to chomp on the bone. I was amazed at how quickly he was able to break it, in spite of my efforts to stop him by yanking back on his head. Within only a few seconds, the two 1/2 inch ends fell to the floor. We all gasped and gagged as we inspected what we thought were bloody stumps of the duck's leg. Upon closer inspection, however, it became clear that the "fleshy bone" was actually the crust of a pizza, which Sara had thrown out earlier for the chickens to eat.

So perhaps my poor dog isn't a duck killer after all-- but the evidence is conclusive that he is, without any doubt, a pizza killer. And I am, without a doubt, a little high-strung.